Just because I haven't posted anything in a while, and it might help me get things in order.
I am very good at beginning stories. Not so good at finishing them. Usually I get about halfway through, then realize that a new plot development changes the way everything was from the beginning. At this point, I can either a) Keep writing and go back and fix it later, or b) start all over again.
There is also what I term the Brick Wall, though the more conventional imagery is Writer's Block: The story is going along just fine, until all of a sudden everything just stops. The story is not over, and nothing is resolved, but you are just about to enter the third act, into the deeper machinations and eventual resolutions of things you haven't thought out clearly yet, but assumed you would cross that bridge when you came to it, and...wham. No bridge, but a brick wall.
The sum of my major works to date, all ending in brick walls:
1) (Untitled*) - probably my oldest story, which has existed in my head in some form or another since I was thirteenish. Of course, what I have now hardly bears any resemblence to what I had then. There are wizards, and one of the major character is an assassin, and that's about it. This story is like a canvas that has been painted over and repainted so many times, it cannot help but be distorted by the colors and textures of what it once was. I am considering peeling it all of, tossing it aside, and starting fresh. Only I've tried that, and somehow, the story always comes back to me. Maybe this time for real. Until the next grand variation pops into my head, and I think, Maybe this time it will work.
2) "Glass and Bone" - a sort of steampunky thing that may or may not also have magic in-universe. That may or may not be in the same universe as story 1. A man tries to bring his dead ex-lover back to life. And succeeds, for the most part. Only she never loved him as much as he loved her, and had honestly moved on before she died. And then there's some sort of retribution for breaking the laws of nature, or magic, or both, but as soon as the woman appeared...wham. Brick wall.
3) (Untitled) - A xenofic about griffins. Who are in the Frankfurt Zoo. And are sentient. And of course, at some point someone realizes they are sentient, but then we hit the brick wall. I haven't the faintest idea how to bring this about, or what to do about it afterwards, or if I should just leave it where it is and make it a tragedy.
4) (Untitled) - I haven't even started a draft of this one, it's just a loosely connected set of ideas about psychic detectives, who do not solve supernatural mysteries but instead go to great length to conceal their powers and just use them to have an edge in solving normal mysteries. Until something different happens, like a sudden slew of murders among espers, and probably some sort of conspiracy...because I haven't started writing it, there are still more doors than walls.
*Yes, most of these are untitled. I'm worse with titles than I am with endings.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
On Sickness and On Health
Call me crazy, but when one has the leisure to do nothing, plenty of soup, tea, and instant noodles, and internet or television access, being sick can actually be a rather pleasant experience. Soothing, in fact. If you are pushing yourself beyond your limits, sooner or later your body will step in and say: Enough is enough. You need to take a break. And it will impose idleness on you through a complete lack of will to do anything productive.
I find it quite unfair that in our society, taking a day off because of stress is frowned upon, unless there is a tangible emergency or if one is physically ill. After all, if one can be physically ill for a few days, but get better after lots of rest and fluids, why can't one be mentally ill for a few days and take a few days off to get over that? I suppose it comes down to American (or perhaps not exclusively American) cynicism - if you claim to be depressed, you mght be faking, but if you claim to have a cold, I can see the snot coming out of your nose. Also, it's contagious, and you are not wanted in your workplace or school.
Honestly, if not for the fact that I was sick, spending a day eating instant noodles and watching old cartoons would make me bored out of my mind. I would also feel guilty about doing that instead of something productive like reading the book for my class, or writing one of the papers, or planning what I'm going to do next semester/the rest of my life.
When you come right down to it, sickness is justified misery, and I find the worst part of misery is the guilt. People in my situations simply are not allowed to be miserable.
On a last note, being sick makes you appreciate being healthy and being able to function. This earthly flesh is in fact a delicate instrument, and one needs to take care of it. It could so easily go wrong. But it hasn't. This is probably the easiest problem to solve in anyone's life. You know what to do, and it works every time.
Appreciate the simple problems in life.
I find it quite unfair that in our society, taking a day off because of stress is frowned upon, unless there is a tangible emergency or if one is physically ill. After all, if one can be physically ill for a few days, but get better after lots of rest and fluids, why can't one be mentally ill for a few days and take a few days off to get over that? I suppose it comes down to American (or perhaps not exclusively American) cynicism - if you claim to be depressed, you mght be faking, but if you claim to have a cold, I can see the snot coming out of your nose. Also, it's contagious, and you are not wanted in your workplace or school.
Honestly, if not for the fact that I was sick, spending a day eating instant noodles and watching old cartoons would make me bored out of my mind. I would also feel guilty about doing that instead of something productive like reading the book for my class, or writing one of the papers, or planning what I'm going to do next semester/the rest of my life.
When you come right down to it, sickness is justified misery, and I find the worst part of misery is the guilt. People in my situations simply are not allowed to be miserable.
On a last note, being sick makes you appreciate being healthy and being able to function. This earthly flesh is in fact a delicate instrument, and one needs to take care of it. It could so easily go wrong. But it hasn't. This is probably the easiest problem to solve in anyone's life. You know what to do, and it works every time.
Appreciate the simple problems in life.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Was ist Literatur?
What is Literature?
What kind of stupid question is that?
This is why I do not like literature classes. I do like reading, and analyzing, and asking questions about texts. The problem is that sometimes people get a bit carried away with regards to asking questions. You are only supposed to ask them when you actually want an answer - and when you have something to gain from the answer.
Literature is just a word; and like every word, it has several meanings and shades of meaning. For instance, it is often thought of as 1) what pretentious old academics call their favorite books (or the books they want you to think are their favorites), but anyone who works with it in depth usually takes the broader definition of 2) any and all written art. A colloquial meaning, and the technical meaning. No need for a philosopher; this is a job for a linguist.
I do not care if "a book is the ax for the frozen sea inside us" (Kafka). I do not care if the goal of art is "to capture this world in such a way as to show how it is, but as though it had its source in human freedom" (Sartre). All I know is that I need books the way I need food, and that if I don't write, I will die. And that is enough of an answer for me.
What kind of stupid question is that?
This is why I do not like literature classes. I do like reading, and analyzing, and asking questions about texts. The problem is that sometimes people get a bit carried away with regards to asking questions. You are only supposed to ask them when you actually want an answer - and when you have something to gain from the answer.
Literature is just a word; and like every word, it has several meanings and shades of meaning. For instance, it is often thought of as 1) what pretentious old academics call their favorite books (or the books they want you to think are their favorites), but anyone who works with it in depth usually takes the broader definition of 2) any and all written art. A colloquial meaning, and the technical meaning. No need for a philosopher; this is a job for a linguist.
I do not care if "a book is the ax for the frozen sea inside us" (Kafka). I do not care if the goal of art is "to capture this world in such a way as to show how it is, but as though it had its source in human freedom" (Sartre). All I know is that I need books the way I need food, and that if I don't write, I will die. And that is enough of an answer for me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Scheisse! - Ich bin eine Ausländerin.
It is difficult to be a foreigner. If I have gained one useful thing from this whole experience, I will at least have a better understanding of non-native English speakers in America.
I am one of those people for whom looking stupid is one of the worst fates in the world. I am terribly self-conscious about my speaking when I am around real Germans. I know I screw up just about every ending, and that my vocabulary is not that great, and don't get me started on my accent. However, I take offense when people assume that because I am from America, I am at a certain level of German. That is to say, not able to pass the DSH 2 exam that allows me to study like a regular student at a German university. Which I have. Yes, I'm bragging; I think I deserve it.
I can write very well in German. I also read German books. The problem is, that doesn't show when you talk. People only judge your language proficiency by speech. Worse, mental capacity is often judged based on oratorial proficiency. So for instance, if you attempt to make a joke/pun/play on words/clever converstaion piece that worked last week, you might end up with a German kindly explaining a grammar rule to you.
I do not need the Germans to explain their language to me, considering that I am the one who has made a study of the grammar and rules and probably know the mechanics better than most native speakers. I need experience. I need to decipher the Hessian accent, and function in the back-and-forth of normal conversation. I need to get the courage to make mistakes in front of native speakers, and the reassurance that at least I am understood. If I need something explained, I will ask - and please explain in German. Do not immediately grope after the English translation. I am not some kind of linguistic invalid that needs to be coddled.
The point is: When confronted by a non-native speaker of your native language, handle yourself thus:
1) Ignore mistakes, unless you really cannot understand.
2) If I ask you what you mean, repeat what you said just a little bit slower and clearer. There are some things the classroom does not prepare one for. Like regional accents and normal conversation.
3) If I want a word clarified, look for synonyms or explanations in your language. Don't fall back on translation.
4) Assume that I know all the grammar theory already.
5) Tell me I speak well, or have a good accent, or something. Even if it's a lie. I like the reassurance. And I'm not going to believe you, even if you are telling the truth, so you may as well lie.
6) Do not patronize. I can think, you know. In fact, many people consider me smart. If you get over the fact that I am a non-native speaker and actually got to know me, you would find out that I have a whole lifetime of experiences, some of which might even be interesting. A foreigner is not a tabula rasa.
7) And remember: My English is better than yours.
Because I am handling a language that is not native to me, I lack the shading and inflection that comes naturally to you. That does not mean I lack emotion or opinion. Because I have a hard time expressing myself, that does not mean that there is nothing going on inside me. Seriously people - don't judge. This is a case of putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Personally, I think everyone needs to experience being a stupid foreigner (being a tourist doesn't count; you're already stupid) at least once in their life.
I am one of those people for whom looking stupid is one of the worst fates in the world. I am terribly self-conscious about my speaking when I am around real Germans. I know I screw up just about every ending, and that my vocabulary is not that great, and don't get me started on my accent. However, I take offense when people assume that because I am from America, I am at a certain level of German. That is to say, not able to pass the DSH 2 exam that allows me to study like a regular student at a German university. Which I have. Yes, I'm bragging; I think I deserve it.
I can write very well in German. I also read German books. The problem is, that doesn't show when you talk. People only judge your language proficiency by speech. Worse, mental capacity is often judged based on oratorial proficiency. So for instance, if you attempt to make a joke/pun/play on words/clever converstaion piece that worked last week, you might end up with a German kindly explaining a grammar rule to you.
I do not need the Germans to explain their language to me, considering that I am the one who has made a study of the grammar and rules and probably know the mechanics better than most native speakers. I need experience. I need to decipher the Hessian accent, and function in the back-and-forth of normal conversation. I need to get the courage to make mistakes in front of native speakers, and the reassurance that at least I am understood. If I need something explained, I will ask - and please explain in German. Do not immediately grope after the English translation. I am not some kind of linguistic invalid that needs to be coddled.
The point is: When confronted by a non-native speaker of your native language, handle yourself thus:
1) Ignore mistakes, unless you really cannot understand.
2) If I ask you what you mean, repeat what you said just a little bit slower and clearer. There are some things the classroom does not prepare one for. Like regional accents and normal conversation.
3) If I want a word clarified, look for synonyms or explanations in your language. Don't fall back on translation.
4) Assume that I know all the grammar theory already.
5) Tell me I speak well, or have a good accent, or something. Even if it's a lie. I like the reassurance. And I'm not going to believe you, even if you are telling the truth, so you may as well lie.
6) Do not patronize. I can think, you know. In fact, many people consider me smart. If you get over the fact that I am a non-native speaker and actually got to know me, you would find out that I have a whole lifetime of experiences, some of which might even be interesting. A foreigner is not a tabula rasa.
7) And remember: My English is better than yours.
Because I am handling a language that is not native to me, I lack the shading and inflection that comes naturally to you. That does not mean I lack emotion or opinion. Because I have a hard time expressing myself, that does not mean that there is nothing going on inside me. Seriously people - don't judge. This is a case of putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Personally, I think everyone needs to experience being a stupid foreigner (being a tourist doesn't count; you're already stupid) at least once in their life.
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