Mourn The Living, For They Are The Walking Dead

Claire Frick died today.

You probably don't know who she is.  I never even knew her, even.  I vaguely knew her brother from German class* in  high school, but that's about it.

Cancer's a funny thing.  It's a go-to illness for TV shows that want to add drama (Desperate Housewives, Buffy, probably a bunch I don't watch), so that you would think we would almost be desensitized to it, but it is fact in fiction that so many people get cancer that everyone knows someone who has had it.  There are cancer memoirs and Relay for Life, and people born in July like me always feel awkward when talking about our horoscope.  There is even Seth Rogan's cancer comedy, "50/50," which was an okay movie even though the main character was supposed to be some kind of everyman and thus had no personality, and the movie did a poor job of communicating how ill he was and therefore there was no real sense that he could possibly die.  Though I seem to be the only one of my friends unmoved by that movie.

Why should the death of a stranger affect me more than that of a fictional character?  Neither exist in my life as more than stories.  Yet if I read Claire's story right (the pictures alone will do that), she was not that insipid smiling sick child that the movies are so fond of (The Day After Tomorrow comes to mind).  She had her art, and she had her family, and she was determined to live life even while she was sick, and eventually dying.  I'm sure she had her pissed off and depressed moments that didn't make it into the article, but she got over it.  She was a real person, both in a literal sense and in a storied sense - her story becomes real to the audience, who can then imagine themselves in her place, paradoxically, more easily than with the everyman.

What would I do if I was diagnosed with a fatal cancer?

I would probably write about it.  And make myself some cool hats.

Death's a funny thing. People react in so many different ways.  I do a literary analysis of it.  And compulsively listen to Frank Turner's "Long Live The Queen"  (You'll live to dance another day/You'll just have to dance for the two of us.  Fuck, that song's even about cancer too, isn't it?).

We don't think about death.  Which is funny because in my Psychology of Religion class, I learned that there are some theories (Terror Management Theory) that claim that all human actions are motivated by the awareness of our own death. 
We are going to die ->
Luckily, there is an afterlife ->
Except someone else has a different view of said afterlife, creating a paradox - they can't both be right ->  so, in order to assert our view as the "right" one, we kill everyone else who believes differently.

Or:

We are going to die ->
We create babies or art or contribute to society in some way so that some influence of ourselves remains after we die, as a sort of spiritual immortality.

But short of going out and killing people, how do we live with mortality salience (awareness of our own death)?  It's better than dying.  But then what's the point of living if you know it's going to kill you?  Is art really enough?

I think it's time to move on to "One Foot Before The Other."  Not that it helps.  Except it does.

We're here right now and I guess that has to be enough.

I've taken up rock climbing, and usually can't make it to the top.  It's more than the fact that I feel like my wrists are about to give out; I don't have the mental discipline, the sheer willpower to keep myself going.  I made it to the top today (not for the first time, though that would have made it more dramatic).  Just a few feet from the top, and I almost gave up because it was too hard.  But harder than fighting cancer?  She pushed herself through that.  I can push myself through this.

Cheesy, I know, but that's what I got.

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*You have to understand that German is not like other subjects.  Maybe it is just the fact that we were the same group of 20 people for four years (and I went to a big school, so that didn't happen anywhere else), but there was a pretty strong group bond - almost like a family.  So when I say her brother was in my German class, I mean that I wasn't exactly friends with him, but he was more than just some random kid who went to my same school.

Die Welt ist Schwul

"Die Welt ist Schwul" ("The World is Gay"), from German rap artist Blumio and featuring Jessica Jean:

I don't have the best ability to comprehend lyrics, especially rap lyrics, even in English, but as near as I can tell, the German text goes something like this:

Ich bin ein durchschnittlicher männlicher Bürger

Ich bin ein gesunder Geist in dem menschlichen Körper

Hab’ ein ganz normaler Junge, der auf Hip-Hop steht

Ich bin tolerant, doch Schwulen find’ ich nicht ok

Immerhin hat der liebe Gott Adam und Eve erschaffen

Und es liegt nicht in Seine Natur, Fehler zu machen, naja

Ist dann meine Meinung, aber nun, genuger Quatsch

Ich gehe jetzt in Bett schon, Leute.  Also Gute Nacht!

Schlaf, Schlaf, Schlaf, Schlaf Schlaf

Was, schon so früh?  (… …) aufgestanden

Um zehn Uhr treffe ich mit meine Liebe (vor … …en)

Ich gehe vor die Tur – ah, da steht sie ja schon

Hi Schatz – ja, dann gehen wir mal los

(…) scheint auch die Sonne, die letzen Tagen waren sehr dürftig

Aber Baby, warte mal, irgendwas ist merkwürdig

Viele Schwule Paare heute im Park unterwegs

Muss auf achten,nicht zu ihm mit dem Arschen zu weg!

Verstehst du doch mal im ernst, aber ist ‘ne komische Frage

Aber ist dann heute irgendso eine Romaparade?

Hm, naja, egal, Ich küss meine Frau auf die Wacke

Ein Opa schreit Du Schweine konnte zu Hause machen!

Was?  Ist doch voll normal!

Was soll denn dieser Scheisse?

Ist doch schön wenn ich meine Lieb’ zu meiner Liebe zeigen

Ich frage mich hin, was für eine Gegen ich bin

Alter, wo zum Teufel (… …) all die Heteros sind?

Die Welt ist schwul.  Nananananaaaa

Die Leute zeigen auf mich und die sagen, ist eigentlich   normal

Verdammt, die Welt ist schwul.  Nananananananaaaa

Ich werde diskriminiert doch die meisten … ist das egal

Was ist hier los, man?  Ich (…)  (den mächtigen Körper?)

Wo ich auch hinschaue sehe ich schwule und lesbische Paare

Viele schauen schräg an – was wollen diese (verflixten)?

Auf in drüben stehen Jugendliche die über uns Witze machen

He, heute schon Pimmel in die Scheide gesteckt?

Oder als Mann bei der Frau zwischen den Beinen gelegt?

Warum fragen sie so sinnlosen, schmutzigen (…)

Wie (be…) Hetero als Schimpfwort benutzen

Oh, mein Chef ist voller Asi-Mann (der ist voll) hetero

Guck mal die (weiden kommen auf, auf ein) ‘etero

Ich bin verwirrt.  Wie ist das voll zum (achsen an)

Ich muss weg.  Ich geh zum Haus

Und mach erstmal die Gloze an

(… … …)

Die meinen dass man in andere Länder sogar Heteros (…)

(…) soll ich mein Leben verbringen?

Der Papst sagt, dass ich in die Hölle kommen wenn ich Hetero bin

Die Welt is schwul.  Nananananananaaaa…

Die Leute zeigen auf mich und die sagen, ist eigentlich   normal

Verdammt, die Welt ist schwul.  Nananananananaaaa

Ich werde diskriminiert doch die meisten … ist das egal

Ich wollte mich nächste Woche mit meine Frau Irena verloben

Aber in Deutschland ist die Hetero-Ehe verboten

Jeder hat ne gleich berechtliche Stimme  - so eine Lüge!

Was kann ich dafür, dass ich mich zu Frauen hingezogen fühle?

Dabei ist es doch Liebe – es sind die gleichen Gefühle

Wenn ich gleich auch meine Partnerin auf andere Weise verfügen!

Es ist trotz allerdem dieselbe Kribbe in die Lagen gehen

A(…) diese Liebe, die schimmernde Hoffnung in der Leben(…)

Doch Komplett auf anderen Leute sind echt ‘ne Realiität

Man (… …) reduziert auf die sexualität

Ich bin ein Kerl, esse gern Pizza und die Strand (…)

Doch weil ich Frauen mag, weigern manche an mich zu (reichen)

So unter Hitler waren die Heteros gejagdt

Ich gehe raus und ich hefte die Regenbogen Flagge

Warum hasst die uns?  Nichts wird daraus besser!

Dann lieg ich in meinem Bett, und ich hör mal die Wecker

Es war alles nur ein Traum, doch es hat sich in mein Kopf verbrannt

Ich geh ins Wohnzimmer und mache die Glotze an

Ich sehe ein Komedien, wie er Witze über Schwule weiss

Ich denke mir, dass kann doch eigentlich nicht gutes sein

Nie wieder schwulfrei!

Die Welt ist schwul...

The English approximation:

I’m your average male citizen

I’m a healthy spirit in a human body

Have a completely normal son that likes hip-hop

I’m tolerant, but I don’t think the gays are okay

Anyway, the Lord God, made Adam and Eve

And it’s not in His nature to make mistakes

That’s my opinion, but enough nonsense

I’m going to bed, folks, so goodnight!

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep

What, already that early?  I get up (…)

At ten I meet with my lover  for (…)

I go to the door – ah, she’s already there

Hi, darling  - now let’s go!

It’s good to see the sun, the last few days were pretty poor

But baby, wait a moment – something is strange here.

A lot of gay couples walking around in the park

Got to be careful not to let let them look at my ass

No, but seriously, it’s an odd question

But is there some kind of a gypsy parade today?

Hm, oh well.  I kiss my girl on the cheek

A grandpa yells “You pigs can do that at home!”

What?  But it’s completely normal?

What is this shit?

It’s nice when I show my love to my love!

I ask myself, what kind of a weirdo am I?

Old man, where the hell are all the have all the straight people gone?

The world is gay.  Nanananananaaaa.

People point at me and say that’s completely normal.

Dammit, the world is gay.   Nanananananaaaaa.

I’m discrimated against, and most people don’t really care.

What’s going on, man?  I (… … ….)

Wherever I look are gay and lesbian pairs.

People look at me weird – what, are they trying to (…)?

Over there some kids are making jokes about us.

“Hey, have you put dick in a vagina today?

Or laid between her legs like a man with a woman?”

Why are they asking such dirty, pointless (…)?

And everywhere I hear hetero used as an insult!

“Oh, my boss is a jerk, he’s so hetero.”

“Look at (… … …) hetero!”

I’m confused. What is this (…)?

I have to get away, I go home, and turn the TV on

“(…)”

They say that in other countries, heteros even get killed!

And how am I supposed to spend my life?

The Pope says that I’m going to Hell if I’m straight!

The world is gay.  Nanananananaaaa…

I wanted to marry my girlfriend Irena next week

But in Germany, gay marriage is illegal!

Everyone has an equally counted voice – what a lie!

How can I help it if I’m attracted to women?

It’s still love – it’s the same feelings

When I, like my partner, am attracted to opposite gender

Despite all that, it’s the same tingling in the same place

This love that is a shimmering hope in the life (…)

But to other people, it’s a harsh reality,

(… … …) the sexuality?

I’m just a guy, I like pizza and the beach,

But because I like women, people refuse to serve me.

Like how straight people were hunted down by Hitler!

I go outside and wave a rainbow flag

Why do they hate us?  It won’t make anything better!

And then I lie in my bed and hear my alarm clock again

It was all just a dream, but it burned in my head

I go to the living room and turn the TV on

I see a comedian, and how he knows jokes about gay people

I think to myself, that can’t be anything good…

Never again gay-free!

The world is gay.  Nanananananaaaa…