I Got Gaynst, But I'm Not a Gayngster*

*Terms are defined here and here

I suppose I’m one of the lucky ones.  I grew up in a large city in a country where I am at least legally allowed to exist, was never picked on, have accepting parents without religious fervor, and a large circle of like-minded friends.  All I need is a lover, and I could make my own “It Gets Better” video.  Or maybe not, considering that it was never all that bad in the first place.  Except for maybe the uncertainty and self-loathing, but that came from a lot of sources.

Dear Dan Savage, it’s great to know that I'm going to have a great life with my partner and sperm-donr baby when I'm, like, 40, but that doesn’t make being nineteen today any better.

For instance, today in my German class, the theme was divorce.  We had a lovely sheet of statistics telling us that couples who live in a city have a 44% greater chance of separating.  Or if the woman works full-time, a 25% increase.  Or if the woman has more education, a 45% increase.

Looking at those numbers, it occurred to me that they had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.  I am never going to have to deal with being more educated than a husband.  But according to this worksheet, I don’t exist.  In a marriage, there is “the woman” and “the man.”  No other option.  In fact, it is essentially illegal for me to get married (in my home state/most places in the world).  So I simultaneously do not exist and am illegal. 

Now imagine discussing this topic in a room of 20 people who all are just treating it like another worksheet and are not having their existence violated.

Do you:

a)  out yourself, make a scene, and complain to the management about implied homophobia in the curriculum material?

b)  keep silent and do not take part in this discussion, all the while hating yoursef for a coward?

c)  mention the existence of homosexuality while not directly connecting the issue to yourself and test the waters, seeing what the rest of the class really does think about homosexuality, while at the same time wondering how many of them are now suspicious?

d)  Turn into a raging feminist and ask why can’t the man stay at home why the woman works, and why is manly pride socially acceptable but one can’t have female pride without turning into a raging lesbian feminist?

When people think of homophobia, they think of gay-bashing and bullies and suicidal teenagers and Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but in reality, homophobia does not come from laws.  It doesn't matter that I can get married in Iowa, or that I can be in the military and talk about my sex life (had I one) at the same time.  Homophobia comes from homework and television commercials.  It comes from a girl complaining "That's so gay!" and being called on it, explains that she isn't homophobic because she has a (token) gay friend.  Being systematically ignored, outlawed, and laughed at is better than being burned at the stake**, but far from an equal existence.

Another incident:  "'Schwuel', that means humid, right? Not 'schwul.'  That means...like when a man is very feminine. (Giggle)."  Well, no, it means when a man is sexually attracted to another man, but that's all details.  Every single one of my complaints here is a tiny little detail, and perhaps it could seem like I am blowing this out of proportion and making too big a deal out of this.  But it adds up.  Always being the butt of a joke.  Always finding out that people you thought you respected consider you to be the butt of a joke, even if they wouldn't dream of applying it to you specifically.  And most importantly, the media that are not screened for political correctness and just go off general knowledge - those are the most dangerous.  Like worksheets for German as Second Language students.

So please.  Have some consideration, world.  Know we are out there.  Realize that 10% is not an insignificant amount in a class of 20 people.

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**The word "faggot" comes from an old English word meaning "kindling," back in the days when homosexuals were burned as witches.  So every time you call someone a fag, you are threatening to burn them at the stake.  Chew on that.